Dr Sundardas: Hi, we had another session of Life by Design and I'm delighted to introduce Suzanne Pool, “Disgruntled dissatisfied woman business owners, hire Suzanne to rediscover the orgasm and exponentially grow the profitability of their businesses because you're fed up of bumping your head on the glass ceiling and not bumping their head on the headboard. Hi, Suzanne. It's great to have you on board then. How are you doing today?

[Lawyer turned business coach. Suzanne Pool is a self-styled Women’s Sexual Empowerment Coach helping women in their 40s, 50s, and beyond have the most mind-blowing sex and enjoyment of their lives! Having broken through a barren, celibate, career-dominated life in her 30s to a life of fulfilment, adventure, and serious fun in her 40s, Suzanne shows her clients it is possible to grab life by the horns and live a daring adventure - no matter their age or place in the world! Suzanne uses an eclectic mix of hypnosis, NLP, conversational coaching, yoga, and other physical activity to support her clients in discovering who they are and creating the sexual relationships they are seeking Suzanne empowers women entrepreneurs and business owners to Get Their Sexy Back, Grab Life by the Horns and Blow the Lid off Their Business because they are FED UP with hitting their head on the glass ceiling and NOT hitting their head on their headboard]
 

Suzanne: I'm well, thanks Dr. Sundardas. It's great to be here. How are you today?

Dr Sundardas: Good day. So I have seen my normal number of clients and had some business meetings and yeah, I am interviewing you.

Suzanne: Okay. Thanks for having me. I'm delighted to be here. Yeah.

Dr Sundardas: So tell me, you know what got you started on this journey?

Suzanne: What got me started on the journey of empowering women to rediscover that orgasm and exponentially grow their business? What a great question. Well, here's the thing for, so before I became a coach and business consultant, I was a career lawyer in London and I had a very good career, but sadly other aspects of my life were less than satisfactory. And when I say that they were less than satisfactory, what I really mean is that they were bone dry. So in my twenties and thirties, I was quite sadly celibate and I was also quite fat. And I thought that the two were connected. And then shortly before I was 40, I took a look at myself and I thought to myself, well, I'm about helping people have more fun, have more freedom, enjoy more fulfilment in their life, in whatever way that looks like. And that applies equally to me as it does to other people.

So I looked at myself and I thought, what if the fact that I'm single has nothing to do with how I look and the fact that I'm overweight. And a couple of weeks later, I went to a singles night and I met a guy and well, I broke my celibacy pattern that had been around for a long time. And what I realised was that the key to success, the key to having that fun for me was about feeling confident and good about myself, no matter what I looked like or how I was. And it was a turning point in my life. And it started me on my coaching and business consultancy journey, because what happened subsequently to that was that I started to grow my income. And my career took off in a different way. So all sorts of things, all sorts of opportunities came towards me that I hadn't expected. And that is why I that's what got me started. So not unusual story. 

But it's really rooted in my own personal experience.

Dr Sundardas: That sounds really interesting and intriguing. Now, It's really interesting that you were al lawyer before.

Suzanne: Okay. Yes, I know.

Dr Sundardas: Yeah. That's that's a lot of left brain ability and all of that, which I'm sure you bring over to your current business and, you know, if you lead with the fact that you were a lawyer, I think it's really, really impressive about what you're currently doing.

Suzanne: Thank you. Dr Sundardas. Yes. I think that's really great. What you said that particularly the part about the left brain, because I think that's what you, that's, what's unique about the way that we work, like integration is the, is really important. You and I have talked about this before, and I know that you're very integrative in what it is that you do. And, and so being a lawyer is a very left brain, very logical, very rational career, where we make decisions based on facts and evidence, but it doesn't leave a lot of time for the kind of emotional aspects of life. And that's what that, and that was what I was missing in that period of time when I was completely of in my thirties, because I was so dominated by my career and bringing the two together is really interesting balance. So yes. Thank you. I think that's really, yeah.

Dr Sundardas: I know reality is that having been in business for over 31 years and I've been on the circuit and I have seen different people with different skill sets. I am all for enthusiasm and passion and all of that, but there isn't a system and a sequence behind it then the passion just flashes itself out, you know, it just fizzles out. And I feel a lot of people were very passionate and enthusiastic, but without the system behind it, without that linear logical perspective, it doesn't go very far.

Suzanne: That's really well. I think that's really well observed. Don't send it to us. It's like, I think so I've, you know, one of the things that you and I have talked about is that is my book discipline, which I published late last year in 2020. And one of the things that I've noticed, you know, process and systems I'm contracts and having things like down on paper is quite boring for people, but sometimes, but there needs to be that kind of consistency of maintaining the commitment and understanding what it is that's happening between people. And, you know, it's really interesting because that doesn't just apply to business that really applies to all areas of life. It's like, what we're seeking is to know what it is that we want and what are the steps that we need to take to actually accomplish that. And, and, you know, we live in a world where instant gratification is, what you know is kind of like

Dr Sundardas: Absolutely well said, live in the world of instant gratification. And I actually personally find this whole trend towards instant gratification and knowing, yes, I really do. And then I have people come and say, you know, teach me how to be happy and I have to be polite, but I want to punch them in the face. Right? Because the reality is the way our neurology set up. The moment you move towards, pleasure, you are going to get hit on the stick to say, okay, I want more pleasure. Eventually you'll get to a point where your brain will not interpret the pleasure as pleasure. You have breached, you've reached a dopamine limit and it's not going to be pleasurable anymore.

Suzanne: Well, it's like, you know, it's like, I mean, this is a terrible example. So forgive me. But it's like they say that the first hit of like cocaine is always the best one. And the second way, you know, you're always chasing that first high and that's what I can hear. And, you know, it's a great thing that you said, like, teach me how to be happy. It's not about teaching people how to be happy. It's like finding happiness in what it is that you're already up to like, and that, and that, and that's, it, it comes back to the integration that we were spoken speaking about a moment ago, because that, that experience of joy and pleasure in, in the simple things, in the kind of experience of day-to-day living is actually the points because this kind of mystical, instead of like, you know, this mythical sugar high is a lie.

Dr Sundardas: It’s a lie. Absolutely misses, which is why, you know, when we talk about meaning and purpose, meaning, and purpose will guarantee you that you'll look for more meaning and purpose. And each time you do find the mean meaning and purpose, you're going to get high. And there's going to be ongoing way of ensuring. They're going to be happy more often than not,

Suzanne: Right? Because you will, because then you're living inside of a context that gives you happiness, because it's clear that, you know, it's clear that what you're doing, you have a purpose. You're like you're living inside of a structure that says, this is what I'm here for. This is living Life by Design, you, as your show is so aptly titled, and this is the key it's like, we live we've. So we've so much grown up in a society where we're ex we're seeking the answers, quote, unquote, externally, like outside. And actually we have the power. We have the power to determine how our lives go.

Dr Sundardas: That's right. Choose to exercise it. People do not recognise they have the power. So they give it away to the government, to religious forces, to anybody else, even your friends or on your friendly bartender down the road, rather than deciding what is it I want, what do you want when you talk a bit more about that?

Suzanne: Yes. Well, what is it that I want, like those five words or the critical question, because when you actually determine what it is that you want, and it doesn't matter what it is, it could be, it could be the meal that you're about to sit down and eat. It could be the way that you want your relationship to go. It could be what your life is for. What is it that I want that takes like that. Then you're never going to like seek the answer in the vodka bottle or with the bartender that you were speaking about a moment ago, you're going to sit down and actually consider what matters to me. What, what do I value? What do I hold dear? And you can start to go through, you know, our Socrates said in, in in about two and a half thousand BCE, the word, the unexamined life is not worth living.

And it's really that question. It's like, who do I want to be in my life? Who do I want my family, how do I want, what experiences do I want the other people around me and my community to experience and who am I in that matter? Like, what is my part in being responsible for those people experiencing what I say I want and they want in their lives. And it's a very, it's a very deliberate act set of actions, which we live. You know, we kind of like saying, Oh, accidents, you know, like coincidence and accidents. There's no such thing as coincidence and accidents. Yes. We're all. Yes. There are people that come into our lives that are unexpected and that we didn't anticipate, but it's not an accident. And it comes from being deliberate and clear about what it is that we're up to and where we're going, you know?

Suzanne: And the best analogy that I have is being on a plane. It's like, if you get you're in Singapore right now, and I'm in London now, if I get on a, that's going to Bali, the likelihood of me landing in Singapore is nil. But if I get on a plane to Singapore and I noticed that the pilot is heading towards the North pole, I'm probably going to say to that pilot, are you sure you're going in the right direction? Because I think we're going to Singapore. And I know that Singapore is Southeast of where we are in London. So going North, it's not the right direction. And you can't really assess the direction that you're heading in, unless you know, where you want to go. And that comes from having purpose and vision,

Dr Sundardas: Having your checkpoint, your endpoint, having a clarity of where you are going toago. So how do you find out what you want?

Suzanne: So that's a great, so I just, before I answer that question, I just wanted to mention, it's a little known secret that this doesn't only apply in business or in like fitness or health or wellness. Actually, this also applies in the bedroom. And as you said, I work, I empower women, not only around business, but also around their personal and intimate lives. And if we don't know what we want in, in our intimate relationships, we won't get what we want in those relationships either. And, and it takes a lot of courage to exactly, to inquire into that and find out and ask the questions. But when you do, it's a lot more fun that, Oh, you, so now the question that you asked me is how do we find that out? Yeah. You have to ask it's, it takes, it takes, it's an inquiry and you can do it by yourself.

Suzanne: I don't recommend it by yourself. I think it's much more fun to have in dialogue. And that's why I do what I do to support my clients in finding out what it is that they want. And and I believe that's also what it is that you do with some of your clients as well, is like really ask a set of questions that take thoughts and take in taking choirs and engagement. And you see, this is one of the other things that I think we've, we've become lazy in, in, in our lives, in terms of, we don't actually ask the questions. So that's why in conversation is the most effective way.

Dr Sundardas: And that's a great point that you made, made about asking questions, because part of the process that I use in life by design, I call it the exploratory stage. And my issue is that most people believe that if you just set a goal and you're going to get there, my issue here is that if you do not explore even the goal, maybe fatally flawed, because setting a goal that doesn't really matter to you, you walk into a collective delusion, a societal expectation led this is what you should go for. And it really doesn't mean anything to you. It doesn't fit your model. It doesn't light your fire, but you take it on because you haven't critically examined it.

Suzanne: Yes, that's really well said. And the only thing that I find about setting goals is that there's this expectation that in just setting the goal, it will happen without any work involved. And it's like, but actually, you know, this goes back to the point that we were talking about regarding happiness, but the, and I, I have to confess to you, like for a long time, I hated this, but there's the joy in the work. Like the fulfillment of the goal is the fulfillment aspect of a goal is not the goal itself. 

It's who you become in the process of fulfilling. The goal is exactly. I'm part of that is exactly what you were mentioning. Doctors under desks, which is like the examination. And you can really only engage in that examination most effectively when you actually started embarking on the journey, because the first actions that you take towards fulfilling that goal probably aren't going to work.

And then you have to look critically at, well, what's going to make the difference here. Like what, how do I turn the dial? How do I for want of a better phrase? Pardon? Pardon the pun. But like, how do I turn the knob so that I'm heading in the direction that I want. So that, and, and that comes from asking a set of critical questions. It's like, what's working. What is it working? If I, if I change what isn't working, is that going to take me like way further off course or will, how do I write the ship? And so you have to actually be engaged. And that also is about your left brain, because in the left brain, you have to know, like, what are you measuring? What are you actually looking at? How do you know when you've accomplished the goal? What will tell? Because quite often we set goals that,

Dr Sundardas: Yeah. In fact in the Asian context, the, I, I would say that in Singapore, for example, a vast majority of people do not live lives, where they check out options. It's like you go to school and you're going from one level to the other to the other. And you're willing to take on societal expectations of your behavior. At every point in time, even the relationships tend to be somewhat perfunctory. So I actually have used to see people in their thirties and forties, and finally, one day they wake up from their trance and find that the lives they are living, are

Very few are in authentic jobs, don't have relationships that satisfy, leave them cold. They asked as they come in, ask me, what do I do with my life? And I ask them, have you really lived? Have you really messed around? 

Dr Sundardas: I mean, one of the things I used to think when I was growing up was I was a rolling stone because I checked out so many things. By 25, I worked at so many things as well as working on my first degree. And I tried so many things. And you know what, in retrospect, when I look back at it, that gave me a life and breadth of experience. So I actually knew how I wanted to engage with the world, how I wanted to engage with my clients and what I wanted to do and look for things that now I look at people and you're 35 and 40, and they still haven't figured it out. They haven't figured out what they want in a relationship. 

And they haven't figured out how they, what they want to do that really matters to them. And at that point, there's a tendency to oscillate between follow the script and go wildly off into chasing your passion. Without understanding, there is a middle space, a middle ground. And that if you are going to explore, explore in such a way that doesn't upset the apple cart,

Suzanne: That's right. That's really beautiful. What you just said. It's like, and the exploration, like, there's so much fun. I heard you, you didn't use the word, but there's like so much juice in that exploration of what life has to offer that, but it it's uncomfortable. You know, it's like, it's not the norm. And we live in this and we're supposed to like follow this pathway, but it's like supposed to, well, who said, where's that actually written down? I don't know. So, and that's what I can hear in what you're saying. There is that finding out, you know, there's, there's, there's a whole world out there.

Dr Sundardas: Yeah, absolutely. There's this whole journey out there. And if you don’t embark on that journey, you never really find out what matters to you, you're taking somebody else's blueprint for life and internalizing it as your own. And after a while, and he's going to leave you feeling that to leave you feeling bankrupt, because you haven't really lived for yourself. Exactly. Somebody else's life,

Suzanne: Living, somebody else's life, which is the inauthentic part that you were talking about earlier. That's right. And, and it's really, it's sad. It's white. It's why depression and anxiety are endemic in Western society because it's like we're living a life that someone else dictated for us instead of, you know, and, and kind of like being now, obviously in the current situation that we find ourselves in, at least in the UK where we're in the COVID, you know, we're locked in our houses, but it's like, basically we get, we go, we have a shower. And then you go to you get on public transport and you go to work and you spend nine, eight or nine hours in an office being a worker bee, or like right now you sit, bend it like sat on your sofa, working at home, having zoom meetings, but really is that life is that, is that your life is, or is that the life that somebody else told you

Dr Sundardas: Suppose that I'm going to tell you this, right? During this COVID period, when you were supposed to be locked down, I couldn't travel. Right. I got to do lots of fun things. I got to cook more at home. I got to do martial arts that I didn't have time to do. I ended up having zoom meetings and created more business connections, and I've done the last five years. So, you know what it's like, Hey, are you going to seize the moment? Are you going to make the most out of it?

Suzanne: That's, you know, Dr. Sundardas , that's really great to hear what you said, because you know, in the lockdown that we've had in the UK, I've qualified as a yoga teacher, I've written and published the book. I also have attended lots of zoom meetings and met wonderful people like you, which I wouldn't otherwise have had the opportunity of meeting. And it's all about the context in which we operate inside of. So there are people, you know, so yes, of course it's not pleasant to be told by the government that you have to stay at home and you can't like go to the shops and go to the gym and the gyms are closed. And all of those things that we used, you know, in the cinemas and the restaurants or the bars is terrible, but it's context. It's like, how do we, okay, so this is what we're dealing with.

Suzanne: We're dealing with this set of circumstances. What's my relationship with those set of circumstances. I, you and I have choice in that matter. And you and I have chosen to undertake activities that we might not otherwise have undertaken in martial arts. And we've both met people and, you know, I mean, we met each other for herself and, you know, and I want to, I've been, I've been wanting to write my book that I finally published last year. That's been an idea that's been hanging around for about three years. And I just was like, Oh, I'm too busy on too busy. 

And then, and then, and in the end it didn't take me that long. It could be like three months, which to write a book from zero to actually finished and edit and fully edited is quite extraordinary, but it was like, it's like, okay, I'm going to make use of this opportunity that has been presented, that I have the opportunity that I have the ability to take to use because I'm choosing to, and that, and it's about the direction that we're heading in. So it comes back also, as we were saying at the start of the interview to knowing where are we going? What's our vision, our purpose, what, what's our compass point? What's the true North. And that I think is so critical. And that's why it's so great to be interviewed by you. Thank you. Thank you for your

Dr Sundardas: Opportunities, opportunity, not so, Suzanne will you tell us about your free gift? Tell us a little about it and what those who download it are going to get.

Suzanne: Yes. So my free gift to those who are listening today is five tips for getting your sexy back. And it's in particularly it's particularly relevant for women. I know your audience, isn't all women. So the men will find it useful too, but it's really, it comes back to what we were talking about earlier on. So as you said, I'm about empowering women to, to stop hitting their, to bust through the glass ceiling and start hitting their head on the headboard and having more fun and juice and joy in their lives. And really it's, those five tips are very simple ways that we can start to feel good about ourselves and ask for what we want. So start finding out what it is that's important to us and and really engaging in looking at what's going to make a difference. And do you know the first tip?

URL to free gift: www.keystopassionandprofit.com

Suzanne: It's really simple. The first tip, put a smile on your face and sit up straight. So it's like, they're very simple, very easy tips, but they will radically change how you start to think about yourself very quickly, which makes a big difference in your life. Now I have another treat for your listeners doctors under DAS, which is those that download the e-book and then email me personally will also get a copy of my discipline book, which I have available electronically, but they do have to reach out to me directly to be able to take advantage of that offer. So,

Dr Sundardas: So now give this www.keystopassionandprofit.com Yes. Thank you so much, Susan. It's been a great experience and you know how to get in touch with her. There'll be more information on the show notes.

Let us support you on your journey to wellness. You can always download a summary of my book Life by Design at “Life by Design” Lite: The summary e-book of the full “Life by Design” version that gives you the overview of the core steps required to design an incredible life and business. Based on 20 years of research from working with 15,000 people. The golden nuggets to a transformational powerful life. At http://liteversiondownload.respond.ontraport.net/

I am available to talks and programmes at www.drsundardas.com. If you need access to clinical services the website is www.sundardasnaturopathy.com and you can send an email to [email protected]. 

You can also join the Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/yourlifebydesigsda

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com. Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams. I am Dr Sundardas. Join me on Your Life by Design.